A slice of life BOND. JILL BOND

I try hard not to be a gadget girl. Over the years my mantra has become simplify, simplify, simplify. Which is a good thing, because if I gave in to my gadgetry temptations, we would be bankrupt. Even so, when recently showered with a deluge of catalogues designed to suck Christmas cash from consumers, I couldn?t help but take just the tiniest peek inside.

What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a talking remote thermometer! Stuff the thermometer into the Christmas bird, select your degree of cooking preference and then clip the receiver to your belt.

As long as you stay within 300 feet of the oven, all you have to do is laugh and mingle, and leave it to the robotic voice on your belt to tell you when your goose is cooked. How cool is that? Or in this case, how hot?

Do you play the stock market? There?s an orb that can be linked to the NASDAQ, Dow or your own personal portfolio that will actually change colour in response to fluctuations in the stock market. Sort of like a money market mood ring. No PC or Internet required.

Exhausted from the winding demands of your watch? Sit back and relax while the Automatic Watch Winder takes care of all your self winding watch needs. Place it inside the handsome cherry-stained oak veneer case and watch through the glass window as its bi-directional motor snaps into action. Wait. There?s more. Want that freshly wound watch to sparkle? How about your pens, glasses and assorted jewellery?

Simply drop them inside the ultrasonic cleaner and watch your dull pieces sparkle back to life.

For the person who has everything – well, not everything, if the person really had everything then they would obviously have this item as well – there is the Mother of massage chairs. For $2,499 plus shipping and handling, you can come home to a full body massage. Choose from Swedish, Kneading, Hawaiian, Percussion, Compression, Tapping, Shiatsu and Rolling. It even provides a full body stretching and calf massage setting. Tempting as it is, I?ve decided to hold off until they come out with one that can trim my bangs, give me a pedicure and perform a wee bit of liposuction following my massage.

If you?re the kind of person that might find $49,999.95 in spare change under your cushions following your massage, you might be interested in Robby. Robby is a seven foot, 100 pound, robot. A genuine reproduction of the one seen in the 1956 film, The Forbidden Planet. Not only is Robby programmed to deliver his famous lines from the movie, but his sound system can be hooked up to your home theatre system. Oh yeah, and for 50K less a nickel, he can also turn his head.

Batteries not included.

Trouble sleeping while you worry about how to pay for all these techno necessities? Relax. There?s a catalogue that has your snooze button covered. What you need is the Sound Therapy System to move you gently through Delta, Alpha and Theta brain waves thus allowing you to experience a healthier state of sleep, relaxation and blissful renewal.

Three catalogues later, I have to admit that my hand has involuntarily jerked in the direction of my credit card more than once.

So far, the only gadget I have indulged in, if it can be called that, is a jump drive. A tiny sliver of metal that hooks onto my key chain, I can slip it into my home computer, download files and then upload them again on a different computer. While I like the convenience of it, I confess to loving the pure gadgetry of the device. Every time I slip it into a computer?s USB port, I feel just like James Bond. Furtively sucking information from one computer, before discreetly slipping it into my purse – okay, okay, James Bond never had a purse. Jill Bond, that?s who I am. Bond. Jill Bond. – so I can feed the information back inside another. Mission accomplished, I toss back my hair and nonchalantly leave the building. Cool? An ice cube wouldn?t melt in my mouth.

Ooh! Especially if they?re these reusable LED ice cubes that turn various shades of red and green while cooling your drink. Quick.

Somebody hide my Visa.