Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the Ridge. Every once in a while, Ill get a letter from a reader of the Blotter. Some letters say thanks for giving us just enough information to make all gossip around town seem believable. While other letters are of the other variety. I dont often ?share? letters in the Blotter, but Ill make an exception for this one.
Dear Cpl. Peats;
Ive been reading your so called ?Blotter? since you began writing (and I use this term rather loosely) it three years ago. For the most part, its OK. Nothing earth shaking or too special. In fact, most of your ?jokes? are old and recycled. I doubt you ever had an original idea in your life. However, what really bothers me is your constant slaughtering of the English language.
I swear, there are times when I read your Blotter that I thought that is was a short story written by some kid in grade three. Your sentence structure is pathetic. Most of your sentences dont make sense; they are either run-on sentences or are sentence fragments. And your grammar, well, that just makes my eyes bleed. Are you sure you ever went to school? Prove it. And dont get me started on the multitude of spelling mistakes that seem to be in every Blotter. Where do you get some of your words from? I bet you just make them up, dont you? Its also apparent that you are hooked on phonics. (Remember, when a word starts with ?ph? it makes the ?f? sound). Either way, I have one word for you d-I-c-t-I-o-n-a-r-y. Yes, that is a big word. Just to get you to use it, try looking up the word ?Halitosis.? Pay special attention to the definition. While youre actually using the dictionary, youll find lots of other words in there that most of the English speaking world uses, except you.
In the future, I expect better.
PS. Don t forget to bring home some milk and bread.
OK, OK, lets get to work and see what has been shaking in this fair land.
Here is quick update. Do you remember that individual who damaged the natural gas line into his residence on Peace River Crescent? This happened at the end of August. The house filled up with gas, however it was detected and the gas was cleared before it had a chance to ignite. The male pled guilty to ?Mischief Endangering Life? and was sentenced to 9 months in jail. He was also sentenced to an additional 14 days in jail for two breaches of an ?Undertaking? issued by a police officer.
FYI, an ?Undertaking? is a release document that the police use to place conditions on a person until the matter has been dealt with by the courts. In some cases, these conditions may last for a year or more. Common conditions are not to go near a residence, not to contact a person, to abstain for the consumption of alcohol and the like. There are significant consequences if these conditions are violated.
An intoxicated male was ejected from a local bar by staff due to his obnoxious behavior. The male refused to leave (big surprise) and began beaking off to the bar staff. As fate would have it, a police officer was in the bar on foot patrol. Beak, cuff, transport, & incarcerate (thats a big word, it means getting thrown in jail. If you dont believe me, try looking in the d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y-).
A report of a ?Peeping Tom? was received on the lower bench. A large, white male with glasses and wearing a blue jacket was seen looking in windows on a residence on Merrick Place. The male was gone by the time the police arrived.
A motor home pulling a trailer hit the rhubarb near Flatbed Creek. When the police arrived, a ?simple? accident turned into anything but. The vehicle belonged to a contractor and was being used by two employees working in Tumbler. The driver was drunk and was having a fight with his coworker. The coworker had cuts to his face, a fat lip and lots of cuts and scrapes. When the police arrived on the scene, the driver was chucking his coworkers belongings into the ditch. Arrest, transport to clinic, treat, incarcerate, tow, charge with impaired driving and assault.
In the wee hours of the morning, a twenty-something male walked past the Tumbler Ridge Inn and punched a plate glass window, breaking same. The male was wearing jeans, a dark hoody and possibly had longer black hair. After breaking the window, he swore and then ran away before the police arrived.
Thats all for now folks. Well talk again next week the Good Lord willing.
Keep it between the ditches.
Cpl. Kurt Peats