Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

Hello Neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the Ridge.

Well, I just finished writing that stoopid RCMP promotion exam. I've come to the conclusion that the exam is kinda like a urine test – you can't study for either. For those of you who have been following my trials and tribulations in regards to this exercise in futility, it's that time of year again. Me and exams never did get along, so this year I pulled out all of the stops. I used my lucky pencil AND I wore my lucky underwear. I'm assuming the purpose of the exam is to pick the brightest and best. To that end, they ask you questions and you have to guess at the right answer.

For example, one question was, "You have one green quad and one yellow quad. You neighbor, Evil Roy, and his best buddy, Sticky Fingers Fred, "borrowed" the yellow one. When you arrived home after saving the world, fighting crime and/or evil, you notice your quad in the back of Evil Roy's truck. What do you have?

a) A case of theft
b) A case of possession of stolen property
c) One dead neighbor
d) Since the yellow quad is probably a Yamaha, you have your lucky stars to thank just to be rid of it.

Question Two: You have just been transferred to a section that provides security to some pretty big Mucky Mucks. In fact the Queen is scheduled for a visit and you are chosen to greet the Queen as she arrives at the Airport. According to RCMP protocol, how do you address the Queen when she looks at you? (I knew the answer before I even finished reading the question because I just saw that episode of Mr. Bean…)

a) "Hey Queenie, how's it going eh?"
b) "You look way better than your older sister does on the $20 bill
c) You wink and mouth the words, "call me" as she walks by
d) You call in sick and let the new guy make a fool of himself

Anyways, the questions get waaay harder, but at least you get a little bit of the flavor of the exam. Last year I scored high enough to be an imbecile. This year my goal is to score even higher. I want to be a trainable imbecile. OK, OK, lets get to work and see what's been shaking in this fair hamlet. I'm looking for Mr. Grumpy Pants.

The reason I know he's grumpy is that we had a duffle bag turned into the office that had pillows and a sleeping bag in it. The bag was located along the highway and if you're missing some sleeping stuff, come into the detachment and claim same.

Spring is in the air, do you know how I can tell? Melting snow? Nope. Bugs? Nope. Bush parties. We've had our first bush party complaint. In fact, some of the party goers were at the back of the Tumbler Ridge Inn stealing wooden crates and plywood for the bonfire. As usual, when the boys showed up, the party goers scattered like rats into the bush. If this should ever happen again, the fire department will be called to hose down the fire and the area.

Now that the warmer weather is here, be careful when driving in the early morning hours. As the snow melts throughout the day, the water freezes on the road at night, making for some very interesting driving conditions. The police were called to a single vehicle rollover on Highway 29 near Flatbed Creek. A 2006 Chev pickup was on its roof. The driver stated that he hit some black ice and that the truck was in the ditch before he could even react.

Over the past few months, there have seen a significant rise in the number of domestic disturbance calls that we have attended. Last week the RCMP received a 9-1-1 call where a hysterical female was screaming, "He's here! H'es here!"

At that point the line went dead, and there was no response when they were called back. The police attended in short order, however the male had already departed the scene. When questioned further, the female did not want further police involvement. If you're afraid or if you need help, please call the Women's Counseling Service at 242-5505. They are available anytime, and can put you in contact with the services that you require. This service is confidential and free.

This will be the last time that I'm writing the Blotter. In two weeks, the moving truck will be here loading up my junk. By the middle of March, I will be taking up Highway Patrol duties in Dawson Creek. As such, I will be passing the Blotter torch to the constables. They will keep you in the loop. Thanks for the all of the support over the years. I wish you all the best.

Now that Ill be handing out a few tickets, I don't know if I should end with, "Keep it between the ditches" or, after handing you a ticket, smile and say, "Catch ya again."

Cpl. Kurt Peats