Welcome back to the Blotter! I hope that everyone had a good week since we spoke to you last. This is my first Blotter, so I thought that I?d take a minute, and discuss my experiences with the fine citizens of Tumbler Ridge over the past few months.
First of all, let me express to you how nice it is to be posted to a town that when people wave at you, it?s with all of their fingers.
Most of my contact with the citizens of Tumbler Ridge has probably been at traffic stops. For us, a traffic stop is an enjoyable experience, where one gets the opportunity to get to know the community, and to make sure that everyone is safe. For the average person however, the traffic stop can be an inconvenient and stressful ordeal, and it?s something that most people probably look to avoid. I?ve noticed that in Tumbler, when I pull a vehicle over, the resulting conversation is almost always the same, and every time without fail, I am asked the same questions. In order to spread some enlightenment, I have made up a Q and A list for the most common questions asked of me at traffic stops.
Question : You?re the new guy… aren?t you?
Answer: Yes. I?m the new guy.
Question: How are you liking it here in Tumbler?
Answer: I?m having a ton of fun, it?s a nice community.
Question : Do I look fat in these pants?
Answer: No Corporal Peats… those pants really flatter your figure.
Oops… That last commonly asked question is one from around the office. And I know that the answer is a bit of a stretch__.. but if you don?t give a certain corporal positive feedback, he?ll lock himself in his office and sob uncontrollably for hours on end;
Getting back to traffic though, we?ve been noticing that there are quite a lot of Alberta plates on the roads. Oddly enough we?ve also been noticing that many of these vehicles with Alberta plates are being driven by residents of Tumbler Ridge. If you claimed residency here in Tumbler for the tax break, guess what? You?re a BC, resident and you should have BC plates, and a BC licence as well. This is something that we can check quite easily, and now that everyone?s been notified, I?m sure that everyone will clean up their act and we won?t have to deal with this any further. Some members may be less trusting and skeptical on this point, but I?m sure that no one would lie to the police, and say that they live at an Alberta post office box when they actually don?t. Although I hear that utilities costs on those Alberta PO Box?s are fairly reasonable.
Another little pointer to the few of you who are planning to get drunk and arrested. If you have to go to the bathroom, please do it before we arrive. And be sure to do it in an appropriate, designated facility, such. as a toilet. Your pants are not a toilet. The cell floor is not a toilet. Beside your car is not a toilet. The back seat of our car is not a toilet. Is anyone seeing a pattern here? If you drink so much that you cannot undo your zipper, you may have a problem. If you urinate on yourself, you may have a problem. If you urinate on us, you will have a problem.
Until next week, stay safe, and stay sanitary.
Cst. David THORNE