Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week it?s been here in the Ridge. When I was at the RCMP Training Academy in Regina, I taught a lot of law classes. Whenever I would face a new troop of cadets, I would often employ several teaching methods in order to get the point across. Sometimes these methods were better known as observations, principles, theorems, conundrums or philosophies. Let me give you a few examples of what usually occurred. After showing some gruesome pictures of traffic accidents and the associated aftermath, students would ask, ?Why do people drink and drive?? I would reply that ?Zappa?s Law states there are two things on Earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.? When a cadet would get cocky and challenge the way that I marked his assignment, I would reply, ?Todd?s Law states that all things being equal, you lose.? In self defense class when a cadet would always reach for his gun to solve a problem, he was told, ?According to Baruch?s Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.? When a cadet would get a Messiah Complex (thinking that he can rid the world of crime and/or evil) I would bring him back to Earth by saying, Green?s Law of Debate states that anything is possible if you don?t know what you?re talking about.? When cadets would first arrive at Depot, they were usually feeling lonely, overwhelmed and wanting to go home. I would walk up and welcome them to Regina, and when would use Murphy?s Philosophy and state, ?Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.? Cadets were required to practice a lot of skills, and then would have to demonstrate them in front of the troop. Often they would fail miserably and have the wind knocked out of their sails. I would put my hand on their shoulder and comfort them saying, ?According to Lowe?s Law: Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.? Ain?t that the truth. Anyways, after I left Depot, guess what I received for all my hard work and unique teaching style? Grief, lots of grief. Oh well, life goes, on and now it?s my job to torment you.

Let?s take a look at some of the tormentation that occurred. Over the past week, 37 calls for service were responded to by the local detachment. To start with, I need to set the record straight. Two tickets were issued for cracked front windows on vehicles. Although the charges were legitimate, I have reconsidered the Detachment?s position and will have the charges withdrawn. We live in the North, and smashed front windshields are a fact of life in the winter. Heaven knows that it?s impossible to do any amount of traveling on the highway and escape without getting a boulder in the front window. Here?s the deal. If an Officer stops you between now and May 02, 2005, you will receive a ?Notice and Order? to have your front window replaced by May 02. You will then have to bring your vehicle on May 01, and show us that you have indeed replaced your window. If you did not replace window, then further enforcement action will be taken. After May 02, 2005, game on ? mashed or cracked, front windows = $109. The two people who received the tickets, please see me and I will withdraw them. If you do not see me, the tickets stand. You?ve got a week. I think that?s fair, and I welcome your comments on the issue.

Do you remember the ?Camp Town Race is Five Miles Long, Do Dah,.Do Dah.? Well, we often sing this tune, but with a few different words. ?Guess who had their vehicle towed? Do Dah, Do Dah.? (Try it, it works). Yep another person who was not supposed to be driving, was caught driving along Monkman Way. They had their vehicle towed and impounded for 30 days.

As we are getting closer to Spring, the speed of vehicles is beginning to rise, and so is pedestrian traffic. In fact we have received several complaints of vehicles speeding within the ?town? limits. Let me give you my perspective on why speeding within town limits is unacceptable – children and old folks (I?m soon to be 41, so if you?re over 42 you?re old). Most of you know that there has been an increase in seatbelt enforcement, however it looks as if we need to also concentrate our efforts of ?moving? offenses. Moving offenses are described as speeding, failure to stop at stop signs, turning to or from improper lanes and the like.

The local Search and Rescue team were called out to a report of two overdue snowmobilers. A group of five guys from Alberta had gone to sledding on Tent Fire Road. Two sledders got separated from the rest of the group and decided to go play by themselves. Well, as the day wore on, the two did not meet back at the truck when they were supposed to. Their buddies called for help and the local Search and Rescue Team was dispatched. The two guys eventually came out of the hills and were heading back to town in their vehicle when they were met by the Search and Rescue Team, heading out to their location. Just a note for the anyone who uses the back country. Please use some back country etiquette, and don?t leave your friends in the bush. Secondly, if you choose to separate, please tell the other group what you plans are and when you expect to return. Enjoy the back country and remember, ?your throttle is your best buddy.?

The RCMP received a report of a suicidal German Shepherd sitting in the middle of the road. The dog would not move and traffic had to drive around it. Several people reported the dog, and felt that the dog might be injured. To me, this sounded like a call for the ?new? guy, so off he went to solve this caper. Apparently this topic wasn?t covered in training, so he asked for some advice. I told him to stand on the side of the road and say, Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.? Well, what happened next is kinda hard to explain. Apparently dogs don?t like cats, and now the new guy doesn?t like dogs. I mean really, who would approach a police type dog and say, ?Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.?? The new guy, that?s who. I promised that I wouldn?t tell this story, so if he askes, you didn?t hear it from me.

We?ll talk again next week, the good Lord willing.

Keep it between the ditches,

Cpl. Kurt Peats