Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

(up to July 3, 2005)

Hello, is anyone out there? I rolled into Tumbler Ridge on the 26’h just in time for Kurt to say welcome. The next words out of his mouth were, ?By the way, I?m going on holidays to Manitoba tomorrow. Would you mind running the office while I?m gone??. Many thoughts went through my head. Foremost was, ?Manitoba? Who holidays in Manitoba? Give your head a shake.? I?ve been looking for Kurt?s crown, scepter and purple robe that he wears around the office but he?s hidden them away. If I?m the boss, I want to look the part. I did find something to wear in Kurt?s office though. Hidden behind a French maid outfit, I found a cream-coloured leisure suit with a purple satin shirt. Nice. Just what are all these gold chains for?

Let?s look around and see what else Kurt has in here. Oh look, underneath the Guns and Ammo magazines I find back issues of Soldier of Fortune. Hmmm. For my listening enjoyment, I found a collection of 8 tracks. Village People? Not my style. How ?bout the Bee Gees? Nah. Bay City Rollers? Nobody ever listened to them! I?ll settle for Duran Duran. Too much to take in here. I think I?ll go home and paint.

By the way, I?m the newest addition to the Detachment. My name is Pat, I?m not too fat, and I?ve never been to Medicine Hat. A little bit of artistic license on Kurt?s part. I worked Friday night and saw the fireworks display up close and personal. Kudos to the Fire Department. I introduced myself to some of the local colour and poured their beer out. I love the smell of a freshly poured beer. Just remember, having a beer out in the open where I can find you will cost you $115. Think of it as giving Gordon Campbell a big tip.

The same night I decided to pull over a lowbed driver for speeding. I guess he thought I was just joking because it took him four kilometers to pull over. Dispatch wanted to know if I was declaring a hazardous pursuit. Nope, he?s not trying to get away. Of course, short of parking a D8 on the highway, how do you stop a rig? He was unclear on the concept that when you see the pretty blue and red lights flashing, you pull over right away. There is no option B. Can you say ticket?

Let?s see what?s been happening this week. Early Friday morning, some drunk was talking when he should have been listening. Another drunk gave him a black eye and stitches for his trouble. Just remember, if you?re going to go to some of these parties, expect a poke in the eye. Nuff said about that.

Dave is jumping up and down behind me because he wants me to mention that he recovered a stolen quad. Good job, Dave. He?s tired of the ?New guy? moniker. I just refer to him as ?The Boy?. Let?s not forget the shiny new kid. Wade Harvey is his name and I think I?ll call him ?The Kid?. As for me, just call me Jenkins. I?m looking forward to meeting you all. Just wave to the nice policeman and smile.

I should run. Now that the fox is minding the henhouse, I?ll try and run this office into the ground before Kurt gets back. The guys are waiting. We?re going to go and have our pictures taken doing a Charlie?s Angels pose.

I love you all.