Hi all. Kurt is now officially back. This means that I don’t have to be the pretend corporal anymore. I can pretend to be anyone I want. On Monday, we’ll have the ceremony where I turn over the crown and sceptre. I’m sure that he will have lots to talk about when he writes the Blotter next week. Until then, you’re stuck with me.
Now that I’ve been here for a couple of weeks, I’ve been able to make a few observations about my new hometown that are definite improvements over my old hometown. This place has sidewalks; impressive. Now I can go for a jog without being afraid of getting run over. We have a rec centre. Woo hoo! We didn’t have one of those where I came from_ We did have a bowling alley but that wasn’t making any money so they turned it into a bar. Then it made lots of money. There’s a Tim Hortons (and a WalMart) in the next town. Of course, there was a Tim Hortons in the next town before but you had to take a 7 hour ferry ride to get to it. Enough said about Tim Hortons (Officer, I notice your eyes are glazed. Just how many doughnuts have you eaten?). I love this place!
So, let’s see what your local police have been up to this week. When I look back on who did what, I notice a wildlife theme developing. There are a couple of black bears lurking around the outskirts of town. Be careful of them. We received a half dozen calls about them and I was able to see one up close and personal. 20 feet is about as close as I want to get. Don’t think of me as brave. I had guns and lots of them. I’m my best and loudest “get lost bear”, I’m trying to scare him off and he just looks at me, lights up a cigarette, leans back against a tree and says, “You talkin’ to me?”.
Seriously folks, these bears are not showing much fear of humans or guns. Give them a wide birth. The Bear Aware guy is aware of the bears as well as the Conservation Officers Service. Hopefully, they will be scarier than me.
Moving along on the wildlife theme this week, a moose tried to play chicken with a van and lost. So did the van coincidentally. Fortunately, there were no injuries. Also, a doe came out of nowhere on Bullmoose Flats and t-boned a poor couple from Alberta. (Officer, she came out of nowhere. no signal or anything). I’ll call this one a tie as the deer was DOA and every panel on the driver’s side of the Alberta car was caved In. No injuries in that one also. Dawn and dusk seemed to be the worst times along the highway so keep your eyes open.
Keep your eyes open also for about $50 cash that went missing from the Teen Centre on the weekend. Some nasty, non community-minded person or persons gained access to the Teen Centre and cleaned out the cash box. Thankfully, they left other items of value. It ain’t cool to steal; especially from the kids. Can anybody give us a hand on this one? It would be nice to catch the crook and give the money back. It would also be nice to make that crook do something to spruce up the community. Any ideas?
Someone dropped something off that was found at the ball diamonds on the 10th or thereabouts. You play baseball with this something so, if you can identify it, it’s yours. I already tried to claim it but they’re pretty sticky here about descriptions.
The drinkers and the partiers were fairly well-behaved this week. No one local spent any time in cells. On the issue of liquor, take note. If you are a minor (under 19 for Provincial Statutes) and we catch you with liquor, we will take that liquor away and MAY give you a ticket. If you are an adult and we catch you supplying liquor to a minor, we WILL charge you and send you to court. Then you can explain to the judge why you’re being stupid because I’m all out of answers.
I’m also out of witty things to say, so I’ll end this with these deep thoughts:
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why do they have locks on the doors?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do “practice”? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
I still love you all.
Cst. Pat Jenkins
Just a worker bee once again.