Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

(up to July 23, 2005)

Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week it?s been here in the Ridge. Being a good prairie boy I loaded up the family a drove half way across the continent to go and visit the folks. Once we arrived in Manitoba, we sat around the kitchen table and talked about the rain. The conversation didn?t stray very far from this topic, and whenever someone came to the door, we would start all over again. Let me fill you on how it went. Father: ?Man, have we ever had a lot of rain this year. We?ve had close to 15 inches, and Nestor got his tractor stuck in the field. Frank tried to poll him out but he got stuck too. So now, everyone thinks that Nestor?s field is cursed and no one will go and help. Last week we had an inch and a tenth of rain, but just two miles east, Wayne said they got over two inches. Have you ever seen such crazy weather? Do you remember six years ago when we had that wet spring?? Mom: ?It was 10 years ago; I remember it because that?s when Chester had the calf with two tails. It was a funny looking creature, but it sure could swim good.? Father: ?I?m telling you it was six years ago_ That?s the year we had that pig with three ears, it was five years ago that it was so wet.? Mom: ?It was ten years ago because that was the year I had thyroid problems and began to pack on the pounds.? Father: ?Thyroid my foot, more like 10,000 perogies.? Me: ?And two barrels of sour cream.? At this point Mom was hurt, but I didn?t even add in the onions and butter yet. It was then that my Auntie with the moustache came to the door. It was furrier than I remember, but the family dutifully lined up for a hug and a kiss (and for the five bucks that she would give each of us as she left.) Father: ?Wet enough for you?? (The usual prairie greeting) and then the conversation, word for word, would start again. All 1 could think was ?Lord, please take me now… and make it quick. Thanks and Amen.? Next year, no doubt, we?ll be talking about a drought, but at least we?ll still get the five bucks.

There?s a ton of stuff to report on, so let?s get at it. Bears. Tons of bears in and around town. Over 30 sightings in the past couple of weeks. It?s 9:30 am Saturday morning and a bear was just caught in a live trap. The trap was set up at the ball diamonds and Mr. Bear was suckered by a tin of sardines and some molasses. It will be relocated very far away from town, probably near the town of Chetwynd (nuk nuk). Just a friendly public service reminder; bears are wild animals; humans are tasty; soft on the outside and crunchy in the middle. Bears are also like drunks, they?ll be your friends until you have nothing left to give. By the way, if you decide to play with the bears and get your legs chewed off, don?t come running to me. I already told you so.

Did you know that there is a weird glitch in our 9-1-1 service? At 3:33 am last week, we received a 9-1-1 call from a local business. Upon attendance, the business was closed and had been for several hours. The telephone system just dialed the number by itself. In fact, we have encountered this glitch several times in the past, both at residential and commercial locations. Weird, eh?

The volume of noise complaints is starting to increase. Especially the house party variety. Bylaw No. 457, 2002 Section 5(b) states: ?….the following noises or sounds are objectionable and no person shall cause or permit them to be made: any amplified music or speech which is audible in a public place or outside the parcel where it originates or is reproduced, between 11:00 pm and 8:00 am.? There are two things that this Bylaw states that homeowners need to be aware of. First, ?…no person shall cause or permit….? This means that a homeowner is responsible for the noise that comes out of his residence… whether they are at home or not. The fine is $250 for such violations. The second is 11:00 pm to 8:00 am. That would be Tumbler Ridge time, not Hawaii Time. There is going to be strict enforcement on this issue. Otherwise, we keep up the old folks, and the next day they wake up cranky and give me a blast over the phone.

Northern Lights College reported that they are missing a bike rack. Someone had the gall to steal an 8 foot, silvered colored bike rack. If you tell me where it is, I?ll give you a donut.

One moose and one deer got smacked on the highway. No injuries to people, not so good for the animals. Be careful.

The Edmonton Flight Information Centre called to report that a small plane heading to Tumbler Ridge was overdue. The plane was supposed to land at a certain time, but the pilot never checked in by phone nor could he be contacted by radio. Sensing a big file, the New Guy began to tear the sheets and boil the water. Just as he finished ripping the last prisoner blanket, the Flight Centre called back to report that the pilot checked in and everything was all right. And you wonder why policing is expensive….

We?ll talk again next week, the good Lord willing.

Keep It Between the Ditches, Cpl. Kurt Peats