Hello neighbor and welcome to the Blotter, and what a week here it has been in the Ridge. Uncle Kurt has knighted me (finally) to write the blotter. So, this is my first kick at the cat, or is it my first kick at the can, I can never remember. Well, I guess it depends if you are an animal lover or not. Anyhow, please be gentle, it?s my first time.
First and foremost I know that the blotter is a very serious article and I am not lying when I say this first part here is very serious. I want to commend and thank all the veterans. If it was not for their sacrifices we would not have the many freedoms that we all take for granted, but should not. They deserve our respect and appreciation. Please wear a poppy and think about what it signifies.
Next, the bonfire for Halloween was a great success. There were about 450 people in attendance. There was lots to eat and fun was had by all. How else do we know that it was a great success? Well, though Halloween was a busy night for the police, the calls were not really Halloween related. The kids were very well behaved, which is a great thing, as opposed to across the rest of the country, where many crimes were reported. Thank you to everyone who supported this event. We will not name names for fear of leaving people out. You know who you are. THANKS.
Well lets see. What is the point of this blotter anyhow. Well, I guess I must take a shot at least one member. Who shall it be? The new guy sure takes a beating, so I guess I will give him a week off. How many Constables does it take to fill a police vehicle with gas? Well that depends who was driving it last? If the corporal was driving it last, then it takes two. One to go get another vehicle and the gas and one to guard the vehicle that has run out of gas. The real question is, how many corporals does it take to fill a police vehicle with gas? We don?t know, we have never seen it happen.
I think what we will do now is provide yet another service, after all our job is to serve and protect. This article will do both. For the protection side, take your paper, turn 90 degrees, roll in a tight cylinder and hit whatever may be bothering you. If you are on the internet site, have no fear, it will still work, hit print, problem solved.
OK for the service. This is a test. Don?t panic just keep score and you will learn about your common sense. To every scenario, answer yes this was a good decision or no, this was not a good decision. If you answer yes you get five points. If you answer no, you get no points.
OK, lets get started on the test.
1. Drive with no licence.
2. When you are caught driving with no licence lie to the police and give a false name. The false name you give turns out to have warrants for arrest. Decide to give your real name and then get charged for obstruction.
3. Drive with open liquor in the vehicle.
4.Pull up to the check point with the beer.
5. Then when the police tell you to hand over the beer deny having the beer (yes, the one in your hand genius).
6. Pass on icy roads ( and roll your vehicle multiple times).
7. Get drunk.
8. Walk down the street and decide to urinate in plain view of the police.
10. Insult the police.
Now add up your score, and perform the following math skills to your final number. Multiply by ten, divide by ten, add 79854, subtract 4, add 6 and finally subtract 79856.
If your score is zero or less, great you have common sense, which ironically is not very common. (By the way, if your score is less than zero, you are either a cheater or you need a math tutor.
If your score is between ten and twenty, we have probably met before, but there is hope for you, work on your decision making and maybe our next meeting will be under better circumstances.
If your score is between twenty-five and fifty. What you should do is every time you need to make a decision, get a coin and pick heads or tails. Heads means do it, tails means do not do it. At least this way you will end up making the right decision some of the time instead of NEVER. I am quite certain we have met before, but if we have not, be patient we maybe on your door step right now.
I hope this helps. By the way, hi to all the special people back east.
We?ll talk again next week the good Lord willing.
Keep the shiny side up.
Cst. Wade HARVEY Acting NCO i/c (for the 30 seconds it takes to type this line).