It’s that time again to grab a cuppa coffee, adjust those reading glasses and see if you can guess who I am talking about. Living in a small town is both a blessing and a curse. A real blessing if you keep the peace and be of good behavior, but a real curse if you wind up starring in this publication.

People, people, people! What is a poor boy going to do? We have received yet another noise complaint coming from a residence on Fellers Ave. (Any guesses yet on who it might be? Not yet? Need a little more info? Then read one my Dear Watson). Of course the complaint comes in at 3:24 AM, a time when most God-fearing-gotta-get-up-in-theĀ¬morning-working-for-a-living people are trying to get some sleep. And did you ever notice the type of music that is played at that hour? It’s not Ma and Pa Kettle’s type music, no sirree. It’s that gruesome music that leads to immoral thoughts and actions. Anyhow, when the police did attend, the residents were given a $250 ticket. For those of you who have a marked propensity to do this type of thing, let me give you a little advice: go and buy the best set of headphones out there, plug them into the stereo, crank up the music as loud as you can, (somewhere around the ear bleeding level), and listen all night. This should make all of us happy.

Remember that place on Fellers? Well, we went back there again, this time to respond to an assault complaint. I think I’m beginning to see a pattern here. I’m going to pass on a little bit of wisdom that my father gave to me while I was growing up: “Laughing comes to crying.” As a kid, I didn’t believe it, but I sure experienced it on most occasions where I started out laughing and ended up bawling like a calf separated from its mama. Anyhow, back to Fellers, people were arguing about this, that and the next thing, when a few punches were thrown, and the conversation stopped. Charges will be laid in the very near future.

Speaking of young bulls trying to establish their position in the herd, the police were called to a fight at the local high school. Two former students squared off against two present students, and the two-stepping began. Guess what the fight was over? Eggs and girls, but not necessarily in that order. (It’s a long story, but eventually it does make sense.) Once the combatants were separated, all four were charged with Causing a Disturbance. I’m just going to take off my policeman’s hat for a moment and put on my law instructor’s hat in an attempt to explain the difference between a Cause a Disturbance charge and an Assault charge. If two people are duking it out in front of the bar, a charge of Cause a Disturbance could be laid, or a charge of Assault could be laid. An assault charge is more appropriate when there is a clear cut victim. Like when you open the door and say, “Honey I’m home” and then get a frying pan in the head. That’s assault, unless the night before you gave the wrong answer when she said, “Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?” Anyhow, you get the point. When two people consent to fight, an assault charge will never be laid, but a charge of Cause a Disturbance is the correct charge. According to the Criminal Code, Section 175(1) “Every one who, (a) not being in a dwelling house, causes a disturbance in or near a public place (1) by fighting, screaming, shouting, swearing (the bad kind), singing, or using insulting or obscene language, (ii) by being drunk or, (iii) by impeding or molesting (not the clutching of grabbing in the back seat kind of molesting, but a different kind) Is guilty of an offense ….. yadda, yadda, yadda. The nice thing about this charge, is that it does not matter who started the fight, or what the fight was all about, it only matters that there was a fight. As a result of the fight at the school, charges were laid, and the police then set out a few conditions. These future Mike Tysons (or is it Michael Jacksons, I can never keep these two straight) are now ordered not to have contact with each other, and two of them are prohibited of entering school property. In addition to the charges, a full assembly was held the next day, where the police spoke to the student body about what had occurred and how such instances will be handled in the future.

A few local businesses reported that they have received a personal cheque from an individual that has been drawn on a closed bank account. This type of action is plain and simple fraud. In this day and age, if someone does not have a debit card, there is usually a very good reason. Cheques should be the exception, and not the rule, and you can have that for free.

Now it’s your turn. I’ve been writing these articles now for a while, and I’m looking for some feedback. Not the kind of, you’re so big and strong and have lots of hair kind of feedback, but the kind of feedback in relation to the Blotter. Do you enjoy this kind of reporting? Should I “grow up and be more serious?” (It probably won’t work since my wife has been telling me that for years.) Do I need to change anything? I would appreciate your feedback in written. form so that I can add it to my “Blotter” file. That way when the boss comes to town, knits his eyebrows, and reads the Blotter submissions, I can tell him that the readers love it, or at least tolerate it.

The good Lord willing, we will talk again next week. Until that time,

Keep it between the ditches.

Cpl. Kurt Peats