(Up to March 3, 2005)

Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the ridge. March is viewed very differently from the aspect of a civilian than that of a federal government worker. A civilian, when they think of March, will say something like: ?In like a lamb and out like a lion.? With the amount of snow that we have been receiving, the end of March should be fascinating. From the federal government worker?s perspective, this month is known as ?March Madness.? The new budget for ?the feds? begins April 01 each year. As a result, if there is any year-end money left over, there is a mad dash to spend it. Guess what Tumbler Ridge Detachment is getting this year? A whipping. That?s right, we have spent 140% of our budget and we still have a month to go. In fact we have over spent our budget every year since 2000.

So I decided that it was high time that the detachment was funded so that its needs could be met. I went to my boss in Prince George and asked, ?Please Sir, may I have some more?? (Make sure you say that line with an English accent.)

?What?!? ?More soup?? Hollered the boss. Eventually he settled down a bit and stated that we could have an increase to the budget, if we were able to solve a riddle. There was only one stipulation. Solve it immediately and get the full increase to the budget or conversely, the longer it took, the less the increase. Well, not being very good at tests, and not having my special cyan crayon with me, I knew I was in deep. ?OK? I said, ?Hit me with your best shot.? I figured if I gave off an air of confidence, the boss would slap me on the back and say he was just testing me or something, and then he would give me a million bucks. Guess what? This was the wrong thing to say to the Big Boy who is fairly competitive in his own right. He squinted at me, twirled the corners of his moustache, tapped his fingers on the desk, and said, ?Alright Grasshopper, here is your riddle.?

I didn?t think that he was serious, but he was. As soon as he opened his mouth, I got stressed and couldn?t make out a word he was uttering. I sat there like Charlie Brown and the only thing I heard was ?Wah wha, wha wah?? I guess next year the air bags in our vehicles will have twist ties.

OK, OK, let?s get to work.

A call was received from a concerned parent from Mackenzie. The parent reported that he just received a call from his daughter who was very distraught and he wanted the police to check on her well being. The parent did not know where his daughter was, but a 242 number came up on his call display. The number was tracked down, however it belonged to a cell phone. The address for the cell phone was a post office box number here in Tumbler. There was a considerable amount of investigation in this matter, and the daughter?s boyfriend was eventually contacted. He spoke with the police for about 10 seconds and then hung up and would not answer the phone again. The daughter was intoxicated, but not in any immediate danger.

Have you been to the Claude Galibois school lately? It has recently opened it doors again and is quickly becoming center of hustle and bustle. The TR Thrift Store is there as well as several other enterprises. Just recently, two front windows were smashed out. One was smashed with a rock and it appears as though one was shot out with a pellet gun. When you are out and about, please keep an eye out on this building over the next little while.

The police received a 9-1-1 call, late at night from the pay phone that is just outside of the grocery store. The caller hung up and did not say anything. A few minutes later, a second call was received and this time the caller reported that two females were involved in a fist fight. The caller then hung up and did not give his name, or those involved. When the police arrived, everyone was gone.

A male drinking at a local establishment was ?cut off? due to his level of intoxication. The male was none too happy and when he left, smashed a window at the bar. The male was tracked to his room, and he subsequently paid for the damages. How much does a bottle of beer cost? About $500 if you add in the window.

A male was given a 24 hour driver?s license suspension, and his sober friend was allowed to drive the vehicle back to the residence. Once the vehicle was out of sight of the officer, the intoxicated driver who had his license suspended, punched the sober driver in the head and demanded his vehicle back. The vehicle was turned over and the sober person reported the matter to the police. A few minutes later the vehicle was pulled over again, and this time the intoxicated driver was brought in for a breath test. The driver was three times over the legal limit. He is now being charged with impaired driving, drive over .08, and drive while prohibited. His vehicle was impounded for 60 days, and he will be attending court on June 15 to answer to the charges. Isn?t it amazing what happens when you look a gift horse in the mouth?

Time to introduce you to some trucker lingo (the good kind, not the potty mouth kind). If a trucker is driving up a hill ?bare foot? what is he doing? (A) He has his cruise control on, (B) He is wearing slippers while driving, C) He is driving without tire chains on, or (D) he is losing money being a trucker and will soon be bare foot? The answer is ?C? of course. All multiple choice answers are always ?C.? If you travel just south of town on Highway 52E, there is a sign that says, all trucks pulling two trailers need to drop one trailer before attempting to drive up the steep hill. You guessed it, the sign applied to all other truckers except this guy who decided that he could easily do it. He spun out, blocked the road, got swore at and tried to blame everyone else for his predicament. Anyway, that little incident kept a lot of people busy for the afternoon. We?ll talk again next week the Good Lord willing, Keep it between the ditches.

Cpl. Kurt Peats