Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

(Up to April 28, 2006)

Hello Neighbor, and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the Ridge. Due to the amount of time I spend on the phone, I now officially have ?cauliflower? ears. The thing I hate the most are those automated phone systems. You know the type, ?press 1 for service in English,? ?Press 2 if you would like to open an account…? And on and on they go. If Tumbler Ridge Detachment were ever to install one of those systems, it would sound something like this:

Hello, you?ve reached Tumbler Ridge Detachment. Pay close attention as we update choices often as new and unusual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created, press one.

To enquire as to whether someone has to die before we?ll do something about a problem, press two.

To report an officer for bad manners when in reality he is trying to keep your town safe, press three.

If you?d like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you?d like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical dependency, press 5.

If you?d like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6

To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us or tell us you pay our salary and you?ll have our badge or to proclaim that our career is over, press 8.

To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping you in line, press 9.

Please note your call may be monitored to ensure proper customer support and remember we?re here to save your butts, not kiss them. Thanks for calling Tumbler Ridge Detachment and have a nice day.

OK, OK, let?s get to work. There were just under 40 files this week, so there must be something worth writing about. A male called 9-1-1 on his cell phone and reported that he was being chased by a bear. He was crying and very upset and he stated that he needed help immediately. A second call was subsequently received and this time the male was being chased by a variety of other animals.

The male was eventually located and taken into custody. Yep, he was soused. Three sheet to the wind. Tight. He took a trip and never left the farm. Gooned. All of the aforementioned were cured by a night in cells. A call was received that a male was drunk and being obnoxious to his family. When the police arrived, the male was true to form. The only problem was that the male was on conditions not to drink and leave the presence of a certain person upon request. He failed to do either. The male was arrested and taken to Dawson Creek to attend court. He plead guilty and received 135 days in custody. He is serving his time at the Prince George Regional Correctional Center.

How many kilometers of paved roads does Tumbler Ridge have? I don?t know, but lots. If you were drunk and wanted to spin your tires, where would you do it? At a gravel pit? On a bridge deck? How about in front of an officer?s house? That?s exactly what happened, and surprise, surprise, the officer was home. What seemed like a ton of fun, soon turned south in a hurry. The male was arrested for impaired driving and he subsequently provided breath samples twice the legal limit. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. He will be talking to the judge shortly.

A husband and wife were sitting at home having coffee when they noticed a car drive past their front window. Upon closer inspection, they noticed that the vehicle did not have a driver. The husband put on his Superman cape, ran to the car, and was able to get it stopped before it hit anything. The owner of the vehicle was given a ticket for an unsecured vehicle. That was close.

An aluminum ladder was found in the backyard of a residence. The person who owns the residence has the ladder and is going to keep it, unless you can identify it. You?re not going to get the ladder by saying ?I lost an aluminum ladder.? You?ll need a good description. How long was it? Was it marked? Are there any identifying marks or features? Call the Tumbler Ridge RCMP detachment at (250)242-5252 if you think it?s yours.

With the warmer weather comes an increase in bicycle use. Please be sure to wear your helmet. Helmet use is the law in British Columbia, and a helmet must always be worn. Secondly, please watch for younger children riding bicycles. I have received several reports that some children on bicycles are darting out in front of traffic.

We?ll talk again next week the Good Lord willing.

Keep it between the ditches.

Corporal Kurt Peats