Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

(Up to May 6, 2006) Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter and what a week its been here in the Ridge. Being in the people business, it?s not unusual to meet about three score and ten people a day. As a result, there are times when I can?t recall a person?s name. Try as I might, their name escapes me just when I need it the most. I usually resort to describing the person using their physical features in hopes that those around me will ?fill in the blank? so to speak.

Last week, I asked the New Guy, ?Did that fella come into the detachment to pick up that thing?? (When you?re busy, descriptors take far too long.)

?Who are you talking about?? asked the New Guy.

?You know,? I said a bit perturbed, ?The guy with the lips.?

?Can you be more specific,? enquired the New Guy. At times like this, I know he is trying to get a rise out of me. He pretends to be helpful, but deep down he?s evasive and he?s just trying to get my goat.

?You know the one,? I find myself saying with an ever louder voice, ?The guy with the lips and teeth. He?s the one who looks like his mother had an affair with Mr. Ed

.?

?Did Mr. Ed have horse teeth or mule teeth?? Enquires you-know-who. At this point the New Guy turns his face away from me and begins to sputter and snort. Air begins to leak from various orifices of his body. His shoulders shake, and the back of his ears turn bright red. He usually finds juvenile comments like ?horse teeth? extremely amusing. But not quite as amusing as ?innocently? irritating the boss.

?Do you have to be so impossible all of the time?? I ask.

?Just trying to help.? He lies. And folks, that is why policeman can retire at such an early age. Working with a bunch of amateur comedians can take a toll on a person?s health real quick. I doubt I?ll see my first pension cheque. Thanks New Guy.

OK, OK, let?s get to work and see what happened this past week in this fair haven.

Over the past week, four 24 hour driver?s license suspensions were given out. In each case the driver provided a breath sample, however they were below the legal limit. If a person provides a breath sample and they are under the legal limit, why do they still get their license suspended for 24 hours?

Well, I?m glad you asked. There?s several terms that gets thrown around a lot, and they all refer to the same thing. Point 08, over zero eight, drive with more than point 08, etc. All of these terms, of course, refer to the level of alcohol in a person?s blood. This is what the Federal Law states as contained in the Criminal Code (paraphrase very loosely): ?If you been drinkin? lots, and blow in that straw at the police station, and a little bell goes off and a light blinks, well, you?re hooped. Screwed. Busted. Pooched. Kiss you license good bye. Momma won?t be too impressed.?

It goes on to state, ?If the bell fails to ring, you fooled them all, but you should do things a whole lot different next time.? At this point, a bunch of Provincial laws kick in and they state: ?Just caused you fooled the Federal dummies don?t mean you can fool us.? ?You might not be falling down drunk, but alcohol in your system will still get you a 24 hour suspension in these here parts.? Good advice like this will probably cost you a couple of grand from a lawyer, but you can have it for free….this time.

Have you noticed the burning bans in the paper? No? When the paper arrives, you don?t have to just read the Blotter, you can read other articles as well you know. Well, burning bans are in place in the Peace. The winter was dry and the risk of fire is high throughout the region. I said that to say this…An individual was out at Bullmoose Flats when he happened upon an unattended, burning camp fire. A rather long log had fallen out of the fire pit and was still burning. The individual put out the fire using a jug of windshield washer fluid. If you plan on having a campfire in the bush, be careful. Fires at bush parties will not be tolerated and the fire department will be called to put out the flames. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires.

Another window was broken at Claude Galibois School. This is becoming very irritating to the occupants using the building, and to the rest of us. I could really use your help. For those of you who go for walks, would you mind walking around the building/area and keep an eye on things? If we all go there at different times, chances are real good we might be able to apprehend those responsible for the damage. Thanks. Well folks, that?s about all Stephen Harper will let me tell you this week. However, we will talk again next week the good Lord willing.

Keep it between the ditches. Cpl. Kurt Peats