Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

OCT-02-2004 10:46RCMP Tumbler Ridge

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Howdy Doodie Buckaroos! and welcome back to the blotter. Do you remember a couple weeks back when I asked for some feedback? Well, I did receive exactly what I was asking for and even a proposition for marriage (some guys have all the luck.). A big thank-you to all those who wrote, and if you are planning to write, please do so because I would love to hear from you.

The feedback can basically be grouped into three categories: A) Love it and keep it up, B) Hate it and I’m going to tell the Queen on you, and C) You almost identified me, you need to keep it more vague. I also received feedback from a reader in a big city. Apparently my writing style leaves a lot to he desired. The sentences have too many words in them, the paragraphs are too long, and people get bored reading this kind of tripe. And some of the words I use are too complicated. I kinda got the feeling I was being called a country bumpkin, but not in those exact words. Well, never the one to disappoint, I thought that I would vary the column a bit. I know, I know … if you try and please everyone, you will please no one, but at least I will give it a shot.

Tumbler Ridge Detachment received 31 calls for service since the last report. I will hit upon a few of the highlights, and let the rest die a peaceful death.

For those who love it….. Back a spell, the police received a call of an intoxicated female at a local restaurant, After eating her meal, she went into the ladies restroom and passed out. Once she awakened, she left without paying and began to walk towards the police station, All we had to do was open the front door, and usher her into the cell block. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were disheveled, and she looked like a cross between Bo Bo the Clown and Medusa. Anywho, she got to sleep on a cement couch for the night, and was released in the morning.

For those who wish me to be vague…..The policed received a report Upon attendance, it was discovered… but due to national security, I can’t tell you. The police then …I can’t tell you that either as it might compromise the investigation. The police spoke to some neighbors …. these neighbors might have been in Tumbler Ridge or Dawson Creek, or Grande Prairie. We will continue looking into the matter.

For our friends in the Big City who hate long sentences and big words…..Once upon a time, not that long ago a Policeman was on patrol. He saw a Badman speeding in a car.

“Stop! Stop!” Ordered the Policeman. “Ha! Ha!” Laughed the Badman. “Zoom! Zoom!” Went the police car.

“Hee Raw! Hee Haw!” Went the siren.

The Policeman chased the Badman to the very tippy top of a very big hill. The Badman then pulled over and was given a speeding ticket.

When the Policeman got back to the office, he opened the bottom drawer on his desk. He reached all the way back and pulled out Lucky Bunny.

“Thank you for keeping me safe.” Said the burly (burly means strong and hairy) Policeman.

“You’re welcome.” Wiggled Lucky Bunny’s nose.

The Policeman then placed Lucky Bunny back on the special pillow that was at the very back of the bottom drawer. He closed the drawer and went and had some toast and marmalade (sorry, jam).

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well folks, try as I might, I just can’t change. I wall have to write as I always have. The only thing I need to do now is to be ready to duck or pucker as I meet the fans and/or foes of The Blotter.

For those who hate the Blotter …. you can stop reading now. We’ll talk again next week, the Good Lord willing.

Until then, keep it between the ditches.

CpL Kurt Peats