Hello All, Uncle Kurt had a big writer?s block this week so he asked me to fill in. At his age, he seems to get the odd blockage.
The New Guy bought himself a duck last month. Don?t ask me why. It seems like a funny pet to have, especially when you name it Kurt. Whatever makes you happy I guess. All was well for the first week but by the weekend, Kurt was acting funny. I guess you could say that Kurt was a different duck; or an odd duck for that matter. The New Guy was concerned so he took him to the vet. The vet examined the duck and sadly pronounced, ?I?m sorry sonny, but he?s dead.?
?Surely, you can?t be serious.?
?I?ve never been more serious in my life? (and don?t call me Shirley)
?You must be mistaken. How can you be sure??
The vet left the room and came back in accompanied by a black Labrador retriever. The dog put his front paws on the examining table, sniffed at the duck, looked at the vet and sadly shook his head. ?I?m sorry, but the duck is dead.? said the vet.?
?How can you be entirely sure??
The vet left the room again and came back in carrying an enormous gray tabby cat. He placed the cat on the table. The cat sniffed at the duck, turned to the vet and sadly shook it?s head. ?I?m sorry sonny, but that duck is dead, deceased, bought the farm. He?s gone to that geat pond in the sky.?
The new guy was distruaght, but accepted the vet?s diagnonsis. As he was leaving the office, the vet handed the New Guy the bill. ?Four hundered dollars! You charged me four hundred dollars to tell me that my duck is dead??
?It only cost $30 to tell you that your duck is dead. But with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it all adds up.?
Next week, I?ll tell you about the New Guy?s pet monkey named Wade.
It was another busy week here in Tumbler Rumbler. We answered a couple of calls at one of the local camps one night. Apparently, a dozen or so intoxicated worker bees decided to see who was the toughest. Management called us when they heard of the brawl. When we arrived, management took us to the troublemakers? rooms.
?Open up. It?s the police.?
?Come and Get me copper.?
So we did. The worker bee was in the fighter?s stance when we came to the door but felt it would be better to negotiate peacefully when he saw that the first police officer was 6?6″. The worker bee spent the night in jail and is now looking for a new job. Another worker bee is also looking for a new job for the same reason. He tried to argue with the nice police officers that they could not arrest him.
Better to negotiate peacefully when he saw that the first police officer was 6?6″. The worker bee spent the night in jail and is now looking for a new job. Another worker bee is also looking for a new job for the same reason. He tried to argue with the nice police officers that they could not arrest him. He lost the argument but got a nice cell as a consolation prize. Here?s a little pearl of wisdom. If you?re drunk, be quiet and go to bed. It just never turns out well when you decide to hang around for the police and engage in impolite conversation.
Does anybody know who has been spray-painting Claude Galibois School? Total damage so far is up to $20,000. That is right out of all us taxpayers? pockets. It?s worth $1,000 to anyone that comes forward with information leading to the arrest of the suspect or suspects. Call us or Crimestoppers; whoever you?re comfortable with.
This is for those who are enjoying the snow on their Ski-Doos. How about keeping your speed down on the trails around town? Whether you like it or not, you are sharing the trails with other people enjoying the snow by walking, skiing and snowshoeing. You just never know when you may meet one. If you hit someone, you?re in a whole heap of trouble. How does Dangerous Operation of a Motor Vehicle sound? Not good.
Most importantly, this year?s Remembrance Day observance at the high school was very well attended in spite of the cold weather. We apologize for being late. My red serge seemed to shrink over the past year and I had a little difficulty putting it on. Seroiusly, I am thankful to live I a country were I am free. That freedom has been paid, and is still being paid by brave men and women who are willing to stand in the gap between us and evil. Thank you for your sacrifice.
Lot?s of other cool and exciting things happened this past week but I?m not going to tell you. This may be the last time I get to write The Blotter if I keep hammering on the boss the way I do, so I will take this opportunity to say that I love you all.
Cst. Patrick Jenkins
Tumbler Ridge RCMP