(up to November 24, 2006)

Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the Ridge. I need some help. Oh, very funny you bunch of juveniles, I know you?re already commenting, ?I could have told you that long ago.? But seriously, I need your help. I have this ?audio wedgie? that is just killing me. For those of you who don?t know what an audio wedgie is, it?s a line or two of music that you?ve heard in the past that you just can?t get out of your head.

A jingle that got caught in my gray matter a while ago was, ?I love tuna, I love liver, I love chicken please deliver.? (If you sing this 10 times real quick it will gets stuck in your cranium for what seems like an eternity.) Then out of the blue, I was tormented by another piece of commercial success. ?Fun, fun, fun till Daddy take the T-Bird away.? For the life of me, I don?t have a clue what the rest of the words are, but I can really nail that ?Fun, fun, fun? part. And being a police officer, I really like that Daddy taking the T-Bird away part.

Anywho, this is where I need your help. Can anyone tell me what the words are to this tune? It starts out fast, like dee dee doo doo, then it slows a bit kinda like dum ditty do da, and ends with a real catchy flourish like ta da. A famous guy used to sing this song, and then it was done by a girl, or the other way around or something. Anyways, if you know the words, leave a message on my answering machine. And thanks for helping the police.

OK, OK, let?s get to work and see what?s been shaking in this fair haven of rest.

The topic du jour is, of course, traffic and all things related. Tons of accidents with animals. In fact we have had so many moose hits over the past little while that I have made up a new word, ?Schmoose.? This term incorporates the squishing and squeezing of the animal. Please don?t get schmoose mixed up with vamoose. Vamoose happens when you hit the brakes, avoid contact and then the critter trundles off into the bush laughing at you. Two schmoose this week, the cars are doing not too good but the humans are good to go.

Another report of loaded logging trucks traveling down the middle of the highway and forcing oncoming traffic to swerve. I understand that when the trucks are bearing down on you, all you want to do is find an escape route. When your eyes become as big as saucers, would you mind getting a license plate or the name of the company? Followup is so much easier. By the way, with the large amount of snow that has fallen, it is very hard to see where the shoulder of the road drops off. When meeting oncoming traffic, keep this in mind. Con?td page 5)

Speaking of not knowing where the edge of the road is, two reports of single vehicle rollovers were received this past week. Slippery roads contributed to the mishaps, however ICBC will assign each driver 100% at fault. Northern folks pride themselves in their winter driving ability. Here?s a tip, go as fast as you dare in a straight line, however when it comes to hills, curves and intersections, a little less right peddle and a little more left peddle would be in order.

A call was received from a camp at Rat Lake (80 kms south of town) about a possible stolen truck. A service truck looked as if the steering column was ripped apart and had been ?hot wired.? The truck was parked at the camp for several months in this condition, and the complainant felt that it was time to call the police. Attendance was made and the truck was examined. The vehicle was not stolen, and it belonged to a seismic company. Apparently they lost the keys and, out of necessity, created their own ?key.?

Do you remember the topic du jour? Well, let?s throw speeding into the mix. Complaints of vehicles speeding in school zones, and vehicles disobeying stop signs and the like. The school zone issue highly resonates with the community. With the copious quantity of snow, it is very easy for a driver?s vision to be obstructed by snow banks. When the students dart out onto the road, it?s just a recipe for disaster. I can hear it now, ?Kids should use crosswalks!? Well, that?s why there is a school zone. Every generation of children needs to be taught how to cross the road.

As I?m writing this, its? -30 C outside and, big surprise, it?s snowing again. The only reason I bring this up is to remind everybody to throw a few extra blankets in the car for the next few months. Your emergency kit should also contain a few cans of pork and beans. Not only are they tasty, they can provide fuel if need be. And don?t forget to add some string and gum to your kit, and a needle, some toys and some sports equipment. Oh yeah, and a drill and a picture frame. When you break down, you can set up roadside ?garage sale? and that way you know for sure that some Tumbler Ridge resident will stop.