Tumbler Ridge Police Blotter

Hello neighbor and welcome back to the Blotter, and what a week its been here in the Ridge. Oi vey!! Nobody knows the trouble I?ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrows. If you can sing that line you?re either (a) very old or(b) have a classical education. This past week has been full of ill winds, treachery, and intrigue; and that was just Monday. Tuesday was full of mayhem, consternation and general disconbobulation. (That last word locked up every gear in my spell checker.) And then the rest of the week went downhill from there.

I would love a job where I could skip to work, hold hands with my co-workers and sing songs, but I don?t want to work at the mine. OK, all you mine guys with big pieces of equipment who want to squish my house right now….that was just a joke. Honest. Besides, I?ve heard you sing.

OK, let?s get to work and see what kept the boys a dangling this past week.

I don?t normally report on this sort of thing, but I?ll make an exception this week. I want to talk about ?Notification Of Next Of Kin.? A call was received from Prince George that a male died there and that his common-law wife was working in ?the Tumbler Ridge area.? The coroner wanted the police to notify the wife of her husband?s passing. They did not have an address, a phone number, an employer or anything else that would narrow down the search for the wife. So where does a person start? In the end, she was notified at her work site. Guess where the work site was? Fort St. John. Here?s the point; if you work in a camp, far, far away, please leave the address or phone number of your employer with your family or friends. Thanks.

A break and enter that occurred at a rural shop was reported to the police. The B&E took place two weeks ago. Once in the shop, the culprit(s) found the keys to a 2007 Green Honda ATV that was stored there. The quad was registered and had Alberta license plate WK693 affixed to the frame. If you know where this quad might be, please call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS or 1-800-222-8477. If your information leads to the recovery of the quad, you will be eligible for a cash reward.

Pop quiz! Close your books, no talking, look straight ahead. I?m going to give you an account of four files and it will be up to you to determine the theme.

A suspicious male was reported walking home. What was suspicious? He was walking on all fours, and for the life of him, could not walk on his hind legs. He was extremely INTOXICATED, and did not even know his own name. The officer arrested the male and gave him a place for the night. When the male was released in the morning, he was charged with being DRUNK in a public place.

Alright, file number two. A male was DRINKING at a local bar, and when the bartender was occupied, the male reached over the bar and stole a full bottle white RUM. The male then exited the bar, DRANK the entire bottle in a few seconds and departed the scene. The male was subsequently arrested and spent the night in the DRUNK tank. The male was charged with DRUNK in a public place, DRINKING in a public place and entering a LICENSED establishment after being ejected.

File number three deals with several INEBRIATED males fighting outside the bar. I have found that whenever testosterone and BOOZE are mixed, the results are usually fairly predictable. Well, after smacking each other around a bit, they departed the bar before the police could arrive. All of the combatants were from out of town, and their identities are unknown.

The last file deals with an IMPAIRED driver. The male was seen driving around town, and when he spoke to the complainant, obvious signs of INTOXICATION were noted. The driver eventually made it home and his vehicle was parked in the driveway when the police attended

So, what was the theme? You?ll need to put on your thinking caps for this one, as it is not as easy as you may think. Are we talking about males? No. Driving? No, but you?re getting warmer.

Compassionate and caring policemen? Oh man, you?re all going to get detention if you don?t pay closer attention. Over indulgence in alcohol, its adverse societal impacts, and the utter waste of police time and resources having to deal with people who over do it? Good job, Johnny, come sit at the front of the class. I like you.

Well folks, I?m out of steam. Lots of material left, but my ?get and go? and already ?got up and left.? We?ll talk again next week the Good Lord willing.

Keep it between the ditches.

Cpl. Kurt Peats